Struggles
Have you ever wonder what your life would be life if there it had no sadness, no misery, no tears, no rude awakening, no life threatening experience. I have! Sometimes it hurt though...you put all your energy into things you want to accomplish and your pray that you make it. It hurt even more if you busting your ass off and struggling and some people still don't see your effort. Then there are the times you wonder if it will pay off in the end...all the many sacrifices? Sometimes it hits you and you don't even know it. Many times in my life giving up is the best option. Say there is no way I will make through this horrible time. Wondering why this thing choose you... all you have done is be honest with the people around you and especially with yourself...why are you being punished for it? Well, that is the number one question I have spent this entire semester trying to figure out. When you honest, it just don't seem like you will be accredited for any thing. Then there is another person who is next to perfect, and you wonder, how did they get to this point? what did they do? I don't know...but I do care...I care because struggling and trying your best is not worth the time for some people. You end up feeling regretful for the things you could of done to be better...or should I say perfect! People always say the good pay for the bad? rite...I know that is almost always TRUE!! but why is this? I don't we humans are not the same yet we are all punished like we are? You ever tired of being beaten upon? I have! I am sick and tired... you might think its a past life thing...but the experience is horrible. We are all human being there is no reason why hitting another person is rite...even if some times it seems like the rite thing to do...there are alternative ways of dealing with situation like that. Ever tired of being in a family member's shadow? I have! Some being there makes you invisible...it feels like being invisible makes other people happier...then you won't have to try so hard to be somebody with integrity. I think that it's the people around you that makes you feel this way...you think that forgetting someones name that you see every day is okay with the person...well its not OKAY!!!!if they can remember your name...then try your fucking hardest to remember theirs...or when they keep call you another person name...like hell the first and the second time is okay...when it come to be a habit that is when the person gets PISSED!!!!
Hey, sounds like you are having a hard day... the hardest part about where you are right now is having things out of your control. Never will you be able to control others' thoughts or actions, but there will come a time in the future when they have less control over you. Family right now has control over you. Peers should not. I know their rejection can seem harsh and it's painful. One thing that is also hard, but necessary, is to stop comparing your life to the lives of others. How people appear and how/who they really are sometimes are not the truth. Most people who see you, don't know about your life, only what you share. Imagine that there are others around who have secret experiences. The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself. Am I better than I was last year? Am I learning? Am I improving? Later on, once you go to university, and more so when you are working, you will have more and more control over your life. You will determine who you will be and how you will be. Hang in there. You are such a strong young lady to have come thru so much. You will make it. Life will never be fair, but it can be better. I believe this for you. And I'll always be here - even when you are far away...there is this blog; there is email and chat. Never hesitate to reach out when you need a boost! I think you are a fantastic person and I look forward to your success.
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