A year Later

A year later...
Wow, It has been a year since I actually wrote on my blog...But it is time I should make a start again...The last time when I wrote here...I was in 6th form looking forward to moving out of Corozal and going on a path to my future a career a new life. I must admit it was (has been) a new life a new adventure...sometimes things in life seem so set...there wont be any obstacles, no distractions, and especially no heart breaks... but unfortunately God guides you to where you must go, but he never tells you the type of people you will meet, the problems you will face, the decisions you will have to make even if they hurt others, or that some mistakes made will be the best option or a solution to a problem, or an enemy ends up being your best friend, or the people who you will forget, the people you will meet that will appreciate you for the way you are, the people that will break your heart, and the people who will mend your heart back. "Its crazy how life grows on people", you get attached to things or other people who don't have no emotions for you...that is the point where you should be strong...don't get me wrong, mistakes,... I have made a lot...

School...
The domain of life whether you there just for school(you never know what will happen) for love, for friends or for everything in between...the crazy parties, your homies, groupies, dogs what ever you call you friends...either they have your back or not...being at a university you learn a lot...it sorta molds you into the person you should become... I am not saying you will be like the most superb person out there ...you know..because you get distracted, you will end up blaming people for your failure, your mistakes,and you know for a fact that your ass was distracted, caught up in a relationship gaan bad!! or somebody ends up cheating on you...or just partying 2 much...or you were just not going to class at all...or you missed 2 much class...or you just never did your assignments on time and end up failing a class but hey, eventually you will learn that friends should support friends, life is 2 short to bring yourself down and worst, others...you learn how to deal with people and situations...you have to learn to rekindle what out there for you...you...as the individual...sometimes you must go solo to learn more about yourself...i am not saying you need people always around you...just do your own thing...better than be pressured into things you don't want to do...especially learn to love yourself...before you could love anyone...trust me ladies if the stress is not worth the while then drop the loser and get the hero...

Getting Grove back...
Love myself
Respect myself
love my family
Focus on school
love my friends
Laugh until i get sick
breaking lonely hearts (lol)
Eh the list can go on...but since it summer...hey, hit the beach in my two piece swim suit and hit the gym...eat a hell of a lot and have a lot of fun...

Second Chance!!!
Life seem a little better when you're not caught up in all the drama of just being you. I see myself laying back a little more smiling a little more crying a little less...then I look at this certain thing and I wonder...what would make me HAPPIER!!!!I look deeper...people love me and I love me even more, that is what makes me happy...I always look at moving out on my own as a stepping path into reality of the future that holds the unknown!! I think i like knowing not knowning what a awaits me...that is crazy rite...i know...But when I look at my life...i see crap..hate nothing...and when people look at me they see life character, friendship, patience but i agree...i spend too much time giving free will to other people...i am going to keep putting my foot down!!!!!!!

Virginia Beach!
When we first got here in Virginia Beach it looked as if it was fun...but i was so wrong!!!! I had no idea that meeting new people would miserable and lonely. I never image the reason why people would try to take advantage of other people during the time of need, love and care...but i guess people will be people where ever you go. I thought that family would give you a sense of comfort.But as you get older you realize that all you can do is suport yourself, pick up after yourself and no body else.. it suckz rite....!!!that is what you end up doing. I am not say my entire family suckz and are really rude but all I am saying is that " you should all learn too pick up after yourself" gosh mein!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have had and enjoyable time with my cousin Hayden,Amanda,Gabby,Madison, my sister Debbie. We all went to watch Twilight...and it was AwEsOmE!!!!!! I love Jacob even more...besides having my cousin trying to hooke up with each other...yackkk...ewwwwwww!!!!!! I hated that!!!I just thought that maybe because some cousin have not seen each other since like for ever then they are to hook up....either way...i just think it is so wrong...slept in a hotel room with my aunty betty ....she is so fun to be around...she is strick in her owe little way but she is fun never the less.I wish i could give account for everone at the family reunion...but I cant , I just cant...there was about 85 people there...most of them were not family but i dont really mind the connection beats me by a mile. I would just perfer the to be and outsider for the time being... i really got sick just seeing so many people every day all day long...the men drank beer alcohol whatever they drank but the did it all day long...some people have only be sobber for about 5 mins this entire 5 days reunion...that 5 mins were when they arrived...lol...the beach was awesome... the sand the guys the water....it was nice...we cooked all day and the fun just disappeared ....swim in a pool went into the jacuze....if that is how you spell it...i guess this is for now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IN NORTH CAROLINA!!!

Well, the first few days were really awesome!!! I have been catching up on my work out...lol ..i know... the gym is my new heaven... my cousin and I find some weird reason to go to the gym...well, to get out of the house and what can I say...haha .. it works... I eat like a lot and don't get tired... I try to gain weight but some wacky way I lose weight even faster... my little cousin Katelyn, my brother Mj, my other cousin Christopher and my uncle Patrick played a basket ball game and we won!!! yeah go us!!! 21- 18 ...yea I know it was a blow out...whooo whooo... being shopping since I reached here and I am seriously deciding where I am going to pack those shoes and clothes for when I leave...hehe... but I aint too worried because I can work with what I got.... sitting and watch my cousin and his girlfriend eat a freaking ideal... is quite entertaining. Today is my grandmother's 75th birthday...we ate rum cake and play sports, drank wine and wanted to go bowling and ice skating....but I guess since it's summer we cant go ice skating...funny huh? but we can...i know I have never seen and ice ring before in really life..i know ...bushyy... But i guess that's what you get from living in Belize...but other than that mom still keeping us on our toes..wow.... I know.

Struggles

Have you ever wonder what your life would be life if there it had no sadness, no misery, no tears, no rude awakening, no life threatening experience. I have! Sometimes it hurt though...you put all your energy into things you want to accomplish and your pray that you make it. It hurt even more if you busting your ass off and struggling and some people still don't see your effort. Then there are the times you wonder if it will pay off in the end...all the many sacrifices? Sometimes it hits you and you don't even know it. Many times in my life giving up is the best option. Say there is no way I will make through this horrible time. Wondering why this thing choose you... all you have done is be honest with the people around you and especially with yourself...why are you being punished for it? Well, that is the number one question I have spent this entire semester trying to figure out. When you honest, it just don't seem like you will be accredited for any thing. Then there is another person who is next to perfect, and you wonder, how did they get to this point? what did they do? I don't know...but I do care...I care because struggling and trying your best is not worth the time for some people. You end up feeling regretful for the things you could of done to be better...or should I say perfect! People always say the good pay for the bad? rite...I know that is almost always TRUE!! but why is this? I don't we humans are not the same yet we are all punished like we are? You ever tired of being beaten upon? I have! I am sick and tired... you might think its a past life thing...but the experience is horrible. We are all human being there is no reason why hitting another person is rite...even if some times it seems like the rite thing to do...there are alternative ways of dealing with situation like that. Ever tired of being in a family member's shadow? I have! Some being there makes you invisible...it feels like being invisible makes other people happier...then you won't have to try so hard to be somebody with integrity. I think that it's the people around you that makes you feel this way...you think that forgetting someones name that you see every day is okay with the person...well its not OKAY!!!!if they can remember your name...then try your fucking hardest to remember theirs...or when they keep call you another person name...like hell the first and the second time is okay...when it come to be a habit that is when the person gets PISSED!!!!

Results of your
Eating Attitude Test


S C O R E S
If you scored...
Eating disorder is...
24 & up
Likely / high risk
20 - 23
Probable / at risk
0 - 19
Unlikely


Your Total
6
Dieting subscale
2
Food preoccupation subscale
0
Self-control subscale
4


Your Body-Mass Index (BMI)
21.2
If your BMI is... You may be...
Below 18.5 Underweight
18.5 - 24.9 Normal
25.0 - 29.9 Overweight
30.0 and Above Obese

WHO I WILL BE

My dreams in life are to become a one of Belize's very care giving registered nurse.I am willing to open my own private clinic and carter my time to people who really need my help in the greatest time of need. The second major goal in my life is to take care of my mom, make sure sh>e has a healthy life. Major dream in my life is to test drive a Ferrari, visit Paris and Columbia, ask a stranger for a date, tell my best buddy I like them,watch the sun set and rise,go sun sunbathing in the nude, go scuba diving, visit space, have my own little farm,become a an awesome parent, have a crazy with friends, go to the spa,take a hot air balloon ride,give money to charity, climb mount Everest, go parachute jumping, sleep under the stars, sample foreign food, and get tipsy at company party and my final dream is to just be happy.Happiness gives extra to life.

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My Goals are to graduate from 6th form and receive a Associates in Biology and entire University of Belize. Pass maths. Move out of my home. Become more independent, pay my own bills, work toward a career. Get good grades in my external exams, continue to be safe.

My role in the future is to be a successful registered nurse and a loving mother who enjoys spending time with her kids. Teach them about the raw facts of life, I will try not to control their every move, every thought. Because I know how annoying that could get, so I would not do that to my kids. Try not to hurt them in anyway. Be a great disciplinary to the people around me. Avoid problems that may arise in my community life drug wars or any thing of that sort, I will also like to be a good supporter of kids and help them with school work. Teach them about sketching and enjoying life in general. I don't really want to be rich, but I want to live comfortable I just also want the people around me to live comfortable also. So I will not mind donating money to charity and a regular bases. It will give a sense of acceptance and knowing that there is someone who wants my help.I always said I wanted my own little farm, it would be nice to see that a family that creates together can easily live together.

The main path to getting where I am going to be very diligent in what I do. Try not to be complacent, i will take hard work but I will eventually get there. I will have to finish 6th form, get accepted to the University of Belize, move out of the house I called home for so long , go to school and start getting my bachelors in nursing. After a fine 4 long years, depending on how much of m y credit would be transferred then I would know how long it would take. I will then start working and build my own house and try to settle down with a faithful person in Australia.

Some major obstacle that I may encounter are if the work is too hard at the University, then I might not be as successful. Certain people might make me have a change of heart. They will try to make me do something I don't want to do. I might not have the finance to pay for the my school on my own a long with other bill that may arise.I might not have the support from most of the people I love. I will not be able to do it own my own. I can probably get a student loan to pay for most of the expenses that I may have. I can manage to pay for some stuff of my own keeping a steady job. The support from family members might be slim to knot but I will continue believing in myself and only think about myself for a while.

I will probably change the world by helping people help themselves. They will need me in times of need and major disaster. It will be my responsibility to be there in desperate decisions that might intrude in their live. I can be a counselor and to these people. Caring is the number one thing in my life that I want people to see in me. Because if there is nobody there to care for you I will.